Monday, April 2, 2012

Do I Feel Alone?


It took me by surprise.  Honestly, I had never really thought about it.  The other day, my two friends, Nancy and Emma, and I were sitting upstairs in Nancy’s TV room eating coconut pie, when Nancy asked me, “Do you ever feel alone?  I stopped to think a minute.  It’s true—no one can walk this walk for me. Even though I have the support of my wonderful family, church, and friends, I am the one who has to ultimately walk into that chemo room and face this cancer. 

Do I feel alone?  No, I really don’t.  Because—I’m not.  Jesus has been my companion for as long as I can remember.  He’s my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, my friend.  We’ve met every morning for years, me—sitting in my chair, Him—just here somewhere.  Some mornings I could reach out and touch Him; other mornings, not so much.  But, I can honestly say, now that I really think about it, that I do not feel alone. 

One night several weeks ago, after the first day of my last chemo treatment, I woke up sweating.  Chemo and steroids don’t bode well for a good night’s rest.  My husband was sleeping in the other room so that he could, well, sleep.  There wasn’t going to be a lot of sleeping with me that night.  I sat up on the side of the bed.  The window was open so I could hear the soft sounds of the night and feel the cool breeze.  In my spirit, I felt the Lord right there in the room with me.  The word, cleansed, came to my mind.  What a strange word.  “What are you saying to me, Lord?” In my spirit, I believe that the Lord was telling me that He was cleansing my body with the healing drips and His peaceful healing presence.  I got out and peeked out the window at the beautiful moon.  No, I did not feel alone.  God’s presence was so palatable that I could just reach out and touch Him.  I was not afraid.

5 comments:

  1. Be strong and take courage...for you are never alone.

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  2. Here you are in the middle of a strong battle and you are encouraging me with your words of comfort about the Lord's constant presence with you.....I don't think you will ever know the impact you are having on all of us with the way you handling this adversity....with courage, dignity, and your powerful faith in the Father....

    I want you to know I continue to pray for you and that I love you as my sister.....I am glad you are enjoying your cap and that your grandson likes for you to wear it.....Stand strong, God is fighting this battle with you....

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  3. Can't tell you how much this blessed me, Cindy.

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  4. Cindy ...

    I'm just shaking my head here ( a good shaking! ) ... just in awe over the beautiful ways that He works in you and through you. You mentor me time and again with your wise words. I celebrate you today. You are a gift. Thank you, God, for creating Cindy!

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  5. Your words paint a picture bringing to mind the scripture "a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Thank you for sharing your story.

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