It took me by surprise. Honestly, I had never really thought about it. The other day, my two friends, Nancy and Emma, and I were sitting upstairs in Nancy’s TV room eating coconut pie, when Nancy asked me, “Do you ever feel alone? I stopped to think a minute. It’s true—no one can walk this walk for me. Even though I have the support of my wonderful family, church, and friends, I am the one who has to ultimately walk into that chemo room and face this cancer.
Do I feel alone? No, I really don’t. Because—I’m not. Jesus has been my companion for as long as I can remember. He’s my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, my friend. We’ve met every morning for years, me—sitting in my chair, Him—just here somewhere. Some mornings I could reach out and touch Him; other mornings, not so much. But, I can honestly say, now that I really think about it, that I do not feel alone.
One night several weeks ago, after the first day of my last chemo treatment, I woke up sweating. Chemo and steroids don’t bode well for a good night’s rest. My husband was sleeping in the other room so that he could, well, sleep. There wasn’t going to be a lot of sleeping with me that night. I sat up on the side of the bed. The window was open so I could hear the soft sounds of the night and feel the cool breeze. In my spirit, I felt the Lord right there in the room with me. The word, cleansed, came to my mind. What a strange word. “What are you saying to me, Lord?” In my spirit, I believe that the Lord was telling me that He was cleansing my body with the healing drips and His peaceful healing presence. I got out and peeked out the window at the beautiful moon. No, I did not feel alone. God’s presence was so palatable that I could just reach out and touch Him. I was not afraid.